OK, this was a poster I had on my wall throughout my first years out of University. You know, when you have a bright idea or two, and you set forth to create and make it happen... And you're in the world of work where people expect different things from you.
I blogged, journaled or otherwise wrote something on the side. All the time. I'd scribble on the train home from my job in a bank, I'd eavesdrop and practice storytelling on the London Underground from my journalism course.
Then the 'love of my life' moved country to be with me... He was creative too, we'd spend time together but individually practicing our craft. I wrote poems and even read some on open mic nights, with him in the audience (way too scared to do that without someone there!)
Then, everything went wrong
And, I stopped and threw this poster away, among plenty of things. And even since growing a business (however haphazardly, for a while) and doing more journaling and creative work these last years (lots of opportunity for creative solitude in Covid).
She said (roughly), 'you have huge integrity, so you want to do it well. But don't get hung up on that perfectionism... Just get practice.'
It struck me hugely about my own perfectionism. Not feeling good enough, especially in creative work in the past for two reasons:
1. Bosses & others were critical. (some, for my own good, some, not so much).
2. This is the real reason why my bosses' words actually mattered. Some people wouldn't care, would they?
Like Kitty said, some coaches (probably) don't care about the quality of their work or the relationship/trust of the client.
But some, like you. Yes, you.
You're in this cos you love it, and care, right? So that means you have an ideal in your mind, you'd know brilliant coaching if you saw it and you'd love to do that... One day. But right now, you stammer over words or you can't think of the perfect question or you're terrified that you're just not that good. Cos we all have those moments... Am I right?
Think of it this way. If you didn't know BRILLIANT coaching on some level, you wouldn't compare yourself to that. But you care, so you do know brilliant coaching. But you are disappointed when you judge your own efforts.
That is NOT proof you are not good.
That is simply proof you have good taste and good standards. That is proof of your integrity.
And you WILL get there. But the disappointment now is simply just a lack of practice. And that's easy to fix, one coaching session at a time.
That's how it seems to me.